Remembrance Day

Remembrance Day. The clock strikes the eleventh hour. This symbolic day has held a deeper meaning for me ever since last year. One of a more personal nature. Actually, I can hardly fathom that it’s been a year already. After what happened, I just seemed to have lost track of time. It almost felt like it had just happened yesterday.

I think back to the times when we would be at the docks, just listening to the waves of the sea as we sat in stillness. Such a serene silence that hovered over us, and yet, we knew what the other person was thinking about. But this place hasn’t been the same ever since all those fond memories were met with a piercing pain last year on this very day. You wanted us to take a break. As for how permanent the break was going to be, you weren’t sure. You just felt that things were not what you expected them to be and being on our own again was the best solution. I didn’t know what to say. You embraced me one last time and said good-bye. Then you turned around and walked off. I stood there, feeling a sense of abandonment.

Tonight, I went back to the docks again. I haven’t been back for a year now. As I thought quietly to myself, I could hear the waves whispering in the background. This is the place where I’d lost you. For some reason, those feelings of hurt and sadness resurfaced. I guess I’ve been keeping these feelings hidden for too long though I’m not sure how I’ve managed to do that. As I stood there, I thought I sensed a lingering fragrance of your hair. But it scattered so quickly that perhaps I was just reminiscing about the past too much.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. *deep breath* A vision of you leaving that day drifted to mind. I opened my eyes and gazed at the waters dancing together in rhythm under the moonlight. I tried to search for traces of you, but not even your silhouette was in sight. It was then that a quote I read recently came to mind…

“If breaking up can be said to be the starting point of pain, then before the final destination point, I’m willing to love once again.”

That just really spoke to me ‘cause that was exactly how I felt. I want to love once again. I know that I didn’t have the courage to tell you how much I loved you and express all that was on my heart. Believe me, I wanted to. I guess I just thought that actions would speak louder than words. But I was wrong. All girls need to hear those three words from their boyfriend at some point. It’s an affirmation for them. I guess I just didn’t catch on soon enough. *sigh* After losing you, I knew that we wouldn’t be back together again. So deep inside, I’ve been yearning for another relationship. I still believe that there is someone for me out there. Someone that God has handpicked for me. But in the meantime, I need to forget about you first.

I sat down and just stared off into space. The fact that it’s been a year already came to mind again. Even the waves were beckoning me and chanting in a hushed chorus that it was time for me to move on. But you have left deep tracks in my heart and I couldn’t help but think of your tender face once more. Before I forget about you, I wanna cherish our happiest memories together in the corner of my heart. A year ago, at this very place, tears were falling in my heart and my vision was blurred by overwhelming emotions. A year later, at this place again, I believe I have gained some sort of closure as my wound is being healed.

As thoughts of knowing that someday, someone will take your place beside me and that thoughts of you won’t surround me anymore, I felt as if a door in my heart has been unlocked, and broke into a smile. *smile* I know I’m in Good Hands. A sense of peace settled in. Finally, I can put this behind me.